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Angels are real; they live in our heads

by gillian schnurr

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1.
Navigation 05:09
there was a cold wind blowing the house in there was knocking and talk in slow motion on paper it felt like i mean it the ink spilt, it bled across the pavement i don't really know who you are and i don't really know what you think about the way that it all fell apart go back to the place that we started from there was a safety pin holding my thoughts in place there was a moment long since forgot in space on paper it looked like it ended the ink spilt, the colours blended now i don't really know where you've been and i don't want to know what you think about the way that it all came apart go back to the place that we started from though i don't really know where that is i don't want to know what you think about this our old navigation tricks were more like a bandaid than the real fix should i say that i'm glad that you're here? should i turn over the hour glass? the sand runs out either way i'm glad that there's not much in there the weight of the world is too much for me to bear
2.
i've got visions in my head i've got wishes yet to spend there's a darkness overhead i wish i'd stayed at home instead there are stars that blind my eyes so i shut them tight i've got problems here to fix please don't tell anyone any of this (does that answer your question?)
3.
it’s not the way it used to be but darling you inspired me this time you were reaching for a feeling or a reason not to end it on a rhyme maybe nothing really matters now you're gone maybe nothing really mattered all along and that’s where i went wrong i promised to stay positive so now i’m optimistic to a fault i was far too busy listening to focus on what you’re saying at all after every conversation i feel different and strange and very small i say any change is good and it’s a miracle I’m able to all so it’s not the way it used to be but darling really this is for the best and i’ll go back to where i’m from so you can firmly set the sun down west you can put your dummy book away you can’t keep repeating what you say and that’s why i can’t stay i’m not the way i ought to be but i present my own defence with it all laid out in front of me it makes a funny kind of almost sort of sense but god has mighty hands you know and he has figured out more than we’d planned i wanted to know everything but now i hope i never understand
4.
writing letters hasn’t ever made me feel less lonely looking back on photographs that make the past seem phoney pour the liquid in its glass tilt back and drink it slowly when it’s done there is no fun still acting dumb when it’s been nice to know you sending postcards in the mail is just my way of choking you up making stories up that suck just so you know I’m joking as you lit your cig up with a match don’t tell me you’re still smoking when this is over we’ll be older, broke, and sober it’s been nice to know you every winter i come in here where i’m sure she saw me rolling papers in my corner like a slow tsunami there’s no boat, no coat, no life support to strap right on me when we fall overboard don’t follow me, don’t bother it’s been nice to know you
5.
i see it well a sea of secrets not to tell i built a wall watched on in wonder as it fell over our heads in the pounding rain our horses fled and we felt so small i hadn’t learned a thing at all or don’t recall and the result’s about the same it’s not a game they told me with the straightest face we knew our place waited for the bang to start the race and then i wait and wait resist the urge to take a single step in either way pray i’lll die or worse i’ll stay alive if you want to be pretty i’ll show you a good time if you want to be picky i’ll show you a bad time if you want an idea i’ll put one in your head dear if you want to get out of here if you want to be born i’ll show you a good time if you want to be happy i’ll show you sun shine i’ll show you the sun shine

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released November 7, 2015

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gillian schnurr Toronto, Ontario

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